It is so hard to avoid foods in a vibrant community. When so much of your life is over breaking bread, it is nearly impossible to not “cheat.” I guess when it isn’t about your weight but more about absolute health, you can’t call it cheating. Slipping. Ignoring. I don’t know but it is becoming more and more not worth it. Last night I was lazy. I didn’t plan ahead for me, Sean or Elijah. It wasn’t good. I went ahead and ate a sub sandwich knowing it wasn’t good for me. It is so much easier for me and for the host to just eat what you are served. That was yesterday evening. By midnight, I had a raging headache and couldn’t pick up the baby because my hands and arms were so hurting and swollen.
I sat in the middle of the night, kicking myself and vowing once again that IT IS NOT WORTH IT.
Clearly there is some level of denial. What is it about our fallible human nature that forgets so quickly how bad our choices were or how much we were in suffering before? I know one choice can lead to pain—in this case physical, but still minimize the pain and minimize the choice I know is not best. Pathetic reminder as I re-group today of all of the tender physical reminders Christ gives us of our spiritual battle.