I won’t lie. There are more than a few times that I pause before writing about our RADish. I am caught most of the time as a post goes live between two deep heart aches. On one side, wanting to be transparent. If people don’t stand up and say “loving the broken-hearted, traumatized child is going to be the hardest thing you will ever, ever do. But with Jesus, you can do it. They can heal. You can love them and this is what it looks like in a raw way.”
My other side says “shhhhh! don’t say anything. Don’t talk about the hell of RAD. That will scare people away. Talk about the fun and rainbows and the hope and the healing.” BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT LIES. They aren’t. I have real, honest, hard, crazy crud that goes on in my house. My kids have been through more in their little lives than most middle aged adults. When a baby loses their birth mother, it feels like a death to the baby. One day all the sights, smells and voices that are familiar to him are there. The next, they are not. Few people my age have lost a parent yet. Those that have are still reeling, even years later, over that loss. The resilient, brave hearts of my kids never cease to amaze me. There are warm fuzzies. If I focus on those things, maybe more people will adopt. And they’ll get through once they are home. Think of all of us that survived periods, sex and deliveries without other women warning us of the ick and the hard. I think of it like that sometimes. It will be ok. You will stumble through and on the other side, the seasoned ones of us will say, “oh I know. Isn’t it terrible?”
But I can’t. I just can’t. I cannot tell you how many licensed parents have never heard those three little letters. That means we need to still talk about it. 2/3 of these kids are really going to struggle to attach. Hard core threaten your sanity kind of struggles. You won’t be the first family that has lies creep into your heart. . . this is Ishmael. This is not Isaac. They weren’t ready for the possibilities, and it hits painfully deep.
We need to say to all of of the church, RAD can be a promotion of adoption. Most of us have RAD. We have an attachment disorder to our heavenly Father. We do not trust him or connect to him or spend time with Him or talk to Him the way we should. We all want to choose our own self sufficiency over His care. RAD screams adoption because our adoption to Him isn’t usually ease and rainbows. There are dark nights of the soul. There is fear and anx that will come if it hasn’t already. In the same way we want to delude ourselves in thinking “our baby won’t have attachment issues,” we also want to avoid the fact that in our own spiritual adoption, we are the ones struggling.